Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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