I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
