I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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