I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
