first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
