taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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