Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
