EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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