I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
