Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
