Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize