apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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