Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
