none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
