He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
