what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
