i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
