Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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