I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
