Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
