this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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