Got a toothbrush?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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