I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I only lived at night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
