im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
