I think my vagina is haunted
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
