I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
