i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
