I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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