i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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