It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
