she looked like the before picture.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
