Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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