I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
