went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
