Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
