Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
