Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
