just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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