Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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