this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
