You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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