someone owes me an orgasm
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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