I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
