"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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