found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
