Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
