can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
