Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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