I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
