You really coming over, don't trick.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
