It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
