I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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