Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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