Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
