when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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