My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
