your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The adults are the big ones right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
