he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's always time for handjobs
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
