Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
