You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
