He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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