I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
