Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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