4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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