we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
