is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
