Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
