I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
