Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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