you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
