you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize