I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
