I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
