so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
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