her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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