dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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