I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
