ya dads aren't the best wingmen
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
