Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize