my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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