There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
