butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
zippers are such a cool invention
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
